Taste Buds: Pennsylvania Dutch Market — eat delicious food with old people

When I entered the Pennsylvania Dutch Market in Hagerstown, I was interested in how the place compares to the Amish Market in Germantown, which is practically an institution. On Saturdays, the Germantown Amish Market looks like the United Nations — if the United Nations involved constantly bumping into people and waiting forever for fried chicken.

I went to the market during a non-peak time of Thursday afternoon, but it seemed the building had a wider walking path that prevented the bumper-to-bumper traffic of Germantown. Also, the Dutch Market in Hagerstown accepts credit cards for all of the stations, including the pretzel stand, where in Germantown, I would be required to count the coins in my hand like a pauper.

But traffic patterns and credit cards are nothing compared with the actual taste of the food. Thanks to my coworkers, I had a list of items I absolutely had to try. Slippery chicken pot pie, sticky buns, apple dumplings and hog maws were highly recommended. Hog maws, which are made from a pig's stomach, was something I knew I would never try — but I didn't tell them that.

Fortunately, I did find slippery chicken pot pie from the Farmer's Cookhouse. For the $6.99 combo, I chose baked corn as a side, but I was confused about my second choice. I asked the server, and he suggested Triple Beans, which includes lima beans. Now, I hate lima beans with a passion. They taste like nasty paste full of everything that is wrong with the world.

I was offered a sample, however, and I immediately fell in love with the sauce in which the side was drenched. I asked another server, who was so young I tried to ignore my understanding of child labor laws, who told me what was in the sauce. This is just a paraphrase, but she pretty much told me the Triple Beans sauce is basically a lot of sugar and ketchup. So there you have it folks: Sometimes, it's better not to know.

I took my soupy tray of food along with a bag full of desserts like a whoopie pie, sticky bun, shoofly pie and apple dumpling. I planned to share a dessert feast later, but I did get a cinnamon sugar pretzel and ice coffee to eat with my meal.

From the first bite, the slippery chicken pot pie tasted like someone giving me a warm hug from the inside. There's no crust, but the doughy pieces provided all the carbs I needed. The baked corn reminded me of mac n' cheese, with corn. The cheesy top layer and the creaminess below was delicious. I could honestly eat baked corn as a main dish. The Triple Beans were enjoyable to eat as well, but I'm pretty sure I could have tossed the beans out and just eaten the sauce.

Hours later, I realized that Triple Beans might as well be called Triple Farts. And so I beg of you: Make sure you place distance between yourself and the people you love after eating this food.

I may not order Triple Beans again, but I didn't regret getting a cinnamon sugar pretzel. If someone told me I could only buy one item from the Amish Market, I would choose a Dutch Twist Pretzel because you can get everything you need in one pretzel. If you want something that is savory that you could substitute as a meal, get a pretzel roll that's filled with delicious meat. If you want a dessert, get a cinnamon raisin pretzel and stuff your face with icing.

Pretzels are the one thing in Germantown that I feel is better than the facility in Hagerstown. Because Germantown is so crowded on Saturday, pretzel batches are constantly made, meaning a hot pretzel straight from the oven is almost always available. I thought I would be disappointed with my room temperature cinnamon sugar pretzel in Hagerstown, but I was pleasantly surprised that the flavorful interplay of butter, soft, chewy pretzel, and cinnamon sugar was still there. I recommend if you have the discipline, wait until you get home to heat up the pretzel.

Here's a quick rundown on Dutch desserts: Whoopie pies taste like huge swiss cake rolls made of love. The apple dumplings are delicious, but I wish there were more apples and a little less dumplings. I have no idea what Shoofly pie is (is it caramel filling? Why do the pie crumbs taste like powder?), but despite my confusion, Google cleared everything up when it told me that Shoofly is made with molasses, and that didn't stop me from finishing my dessert.

Overall, when you go to the Pennsylvania Dutch Market, be adventurous and don't worry about making a little mess.

Imade Borha can't cook rice and once burnt Top Ramen, but she is the adventurous foodie her friends rely on. She's ordered fried chicken through bullet proof glass and ate at a bowling alley that hosts Questlove every month. She believes food doesn't have to be pretentious or pricey for it to be good.